I’ve always been interested in what different species of animals would look like if they cross-bred. Cross-breeding, which has been a staple of the evolution of species on our planet, and presumably other planets (the Sun), seems to have lost its appeal among society. Once common human-developed hybrids, ligers (lion/tiger), bearcons (bear/falcon), and melonquatches (honeydew melon/sasquatch) seem lost in history.
Although there are still a few cross-breeds widely used today [mule (donkey/horse), zorse (zebra/horse), savannah cat (domestic cat/serval), Michael Jackson (human/??)], one particular hybrid that I feel still holds promise would be the human/chimpanzee cross or humanzee, a.k.a. chuman, manpanzee. Although never created successfully, this creature would probably resemble someone like Willem Defoe, except more human-like.
Besides the obviously massive ethical dilemma of creating a humanzee, cross-breeding this creature would be worthwhile as I believe there are some perks in living life as a chimp-man. I really don’t see a downside to living life as a horrible, hideous mutant, as long as you have some special abilities, and a humanzee would presumably have a ton.
Something that the humanzee would acquire right away would be instant fame. This manpanzee, let’s call him Ulysses, would be an obvious A-lister, being invited to the hottest parties and dating the hottest celebs (did somebody say J-LO?). Ulysses also has access to double the dating pool. Ulysses could get brunch with J-LO then later that night hit the club with Koko the gorilla. Sounds pretty sweet to me.
Ulysses should theoretically be able to speak chimp and English fluently, therefore being critical in the diplomacy and prevention of future human vs. chimp wars. Ulysses would also be ridiculously good at gymnastics, particularly the uneven bars, and could lead the U.S. gymnastics team to countless gold medals and possible Wheaties sponsorship.
Having the ability to pick things up with your feet would come in handy. Ulysses could play four-player Nintendo Wii by himself. Having practically another set of hands would give Ulysses a legitimate advantage in the workplace too. Being able to type with hands and feet would double Ulysses’ efficiency. Churning out a high quality Goosebumps: Choose Your Own Adventure novel would be no problem.
