Once a peaceful continent, undisturbed by deadly platypus attacks, a safe, uneventful Asia seems no more. Over the past few weeks, fatal platypus attacks have increased by 3300% in Japan alone, mostly due to a spike in the mutant 300-foot flying platypus population, scientists say. Government officials in Asia and even as far Eastern Europe are frantically setting up barriers to stop the spread of unwanted platypai. At the very least, citizens are advised to cover their entire bodies in tin foil to defend against their deadly laser attacks.